Published October 31, 2012
How are you doing? So much is happening around the world and even here in our precious country, Nigeria. From flooding to bombings to all sorts of insecurity here and there. Even in the US, Sandy is not smiling and I hear it’s gradually finding its way to the West Coast. I saw pictures on Daily Mail and I was weak. I pray God protects everyone all around the world from all scourges they might be facing-Flooding, Hurricane, Suicide Bombing, False Accusation etc. God help us all. Amen.
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Let’s take a stab at this guys!
“I’ve been dating this guy for 11 months and it has been all kinds of amazing, all shades of beautiful. He is decent, respectful, caring, nice, friendly. He is from my town in Imo state (a big deal if you’re from my family). I genuinely think I have kissed the last frog and he is the Prince I have been waiting for BUT there is one issue: he is so unforgiving and vindictive.
Whilst he was ‘toasting’ me and we were in the tell-me-about-you phase, he mentioned this to me, stating that it is a struggle he was battling with but that he finds it hard to forgive anyone who offends him. He also mentioned that it is the little things not the big things that tick him off. Subconsciously, since that day, I have been walking on eggshells around him. I censor my jokes. I hardly kid around him and I try to be proper. These are not big deals so I didn’t mind. I tell lewd jokes anyways so change in that area of my life is welcome.
A few weeks ago, I went out with him and his friends and watched him blatantly ignore a particular guy all through. In the car as we left, I asked him about it. To my utter amazement, I discovered that the guy he was ignoring all through was not even a random guy but was his cousin who had offended him 5 years ago by being rude to his mom. He was drunk that day and got rude, not only to my boyfriend’s mom but also to her sister who is his own mother. The next day, he had come over to apologise, beg, prostrate and my boyfriend’s mom had long since forgotten about it but not my boyfriend who vowed never to have anything to do with him. He boycotted his cousin’s wedding in February this year and blatantly acts like he doesn’t exist.
In my attempt to be a good wifey, I said, ‘babe, don’t you think that’s ungodly and not good enough? You should forgive him o. You are blood’. The response I got from him shocked me to my core and even as I type this up, I am still reeling in disbelief. ‘Look here, my friend, if you ever mention this matter again, you will not like the outcome. Stay out of what does not concern you.’ No one taught me how to go mute. I was shocked at his obstinacy. I was hurt by his words to me. All the way from VI to Ogudu where I live, we spoke not one word. He dropped me and just said ‘take care’ and zoomed off. It was me that called him the next afternoon to say ‘how are you?’ as the silence was killing me. The conversation was short.
I then read an article about giving guys space and not being too clingy or trying too hard so I decided not to get in touch with him till he does so. I even went as far as planning to ignore his first few BBMs or calls, whichever came before finally responding. I never got the chance. I didn’t contact him throughout Monday and neither did he contact me. Tuesday same. Wednesday same. On Wednesday, I decided to update my status and be dramatic bewailing the death of an ‘uncle’ I never knew that well. I put this up: Death where is thy sting, Uncle not you! and changed by dp to a lighted candle on a black background. My boyfriend ignored it. On Thursday at about 3pm, I couldn’t take it anymore and I called him. He didn’t pick at first. I called back a minute after and he picked. I told him how I was feeling and he reminded me of a few things:
1. He had told me in advance he hardly forgives;
2. This cousin extra hurt him because the wrongdoing was on a family member-people he does not mess with. To make matters worse, it was on his mother;
3. I butted in on something that does not concern me daring to preach to him; and
4. Did I not think that other people would have tried to settle this all these years? Who do I think I am to be telling him what is godly!
I stood there stunned. All I could say was, ‘I didn’t know. I am sorry’. We eventually ‘made up’ and carried on as normal but I just cannot shake the episode off.
The way he can keep malice with a family member with which he once was tight bothers me. Who then do I think I am to escape his lingering venom? I suspect he is the type who can live in the same house with someone for years and never speak with them. The sad part is that I really like him and aside of this, he is almost perfect.
Another side of me argues, can anyone really be perfect? Even I have my own problems. Does that then mean I should be discarded immediately? Should I pray and fast for his change? Or should I just realise this battle is not mine to fight and walk away because I might one day be a recipient of his unforgiving nature?
What do you think people?