Help! Her past haunts me!

Hi people,

I am distraught.
So I recently found out the worst thing ever. My girlfriend (Similolu) of a few months whom I genuinely care for once dated my older brother!

She’s a sweet, decent girl or so I thought till I found out that my bad-boy brother had once been with her in her first year of Uni at Igbinedion University. He was also a student there after having left Unilag due to cultism issues. He had promised to renounce the secret society and in return, my dad sent him to the University in Edo to start afresh. She was a Level 1 student of Medicine when they met. He was already in his 3rd year of Economics by then. The Medicine department of the University had some challenges and therefore, Similolu had to go to a University in Ukraine to start her degree afresh.

I’m hurt because I have always loved God and put him first. I looked forward to a relationship with a like-minded girl and I thought I had found that in Simi. To think she once was was with my philandering, cheating , weed smoking, unserious brother is just a bit too much for me to bear. I love my brother to bits but the way he handles girls like things is absolutely appalling. He is known to treat women with disrespect. He uses and dumps them. He sleeps with them and then discards them right after. Simi once told me she went the farthest with a particular guy when she first got to Uni and to think that that ‘guy’ is Tunbosun, my older brother is really hard a pill for me to swallow.

I found out when she came to visit me at mine. My brother greeted her fondly, giving her a full bodied hug, lustfully admiring her telling her, ‘you’ve changed o’. She was awkward around him making me wonder what exactly ‘farthest I’ve gone’ entailed.

I know I sound judgmental, I also know I might not being doing What Jesus Would Do but I right now, I think I should just free her and let her go her way. I’m not looking for Miss Perfect but I don’t need someone whose sordid past is so close to home. I think I will constantly have the thought of them together in my head and it will lead to distrust of her, disrespect for her and eventually, contempt for her which will lead to me being repulsed by her.

Old things might be passed away but not when it was with my brother. I see the girls my brother has been with and I will not wish what they go through on my worst enemy’s sister. Imagining Similolu in those shoes just makes me mad…not at him but at her for having so low a self esteem to have dated Tunbosun, a self acclaimed and proud bad boy.

What are your thoughts on this guys? How would you feel if you found out that your boyfriend or girlfriend has once been with your promiscuous friend or your sibling? How would you as a person feel, realising you are in a relationship with your ex’s sibling or even relative? How does one deal with this?

Let’s muse!

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Published November 5, 2012


  1. I totally get wer ur coming frm and all but i think this isnkinda extreme tho. U say u met this babe and u guys cliked “like minds” i think. So nw jst cuz she made a poor decision years back dosnt mean shez nt the person u knw tho. She was young n he took advantage , that even blends wiff the discription of the older brother so i dnt think its completely a situation of low self esteem to date him thonn
    I feel it comes down to one thing. If u reali click with/like the babe. Sit her ass down n say u guys hooked up. IT ISNEVER GONA HAPPEN AGAIN OK. Nw its up to her to decide hw to handle it.
    Some might feel that ur settin urself up for mor heartbreak so u shud cut ur loses while ur ahead. But i jst feel u shud giv the babe a shot

    A guys perspective

  2. I thought Simi did something more outrageous but was surprised to know she only dated the writer”s brother and they are not related by blood. The writer should stop being close minded and grow up.

  3. Since he already knows how he feels (and how he will feel about her if the relationship continues), he should explain it to her and make a decision from there. He has to communicate how he feels to his brother and the girl.

  4. The writer sounds like a secondary school student and this is the worst I have read on the blog. It doesn’t make sense at all.

  5. I agree with Kamson. Everyone has a past…. Everyone has made mistakes…. Let he who hasn’t cast the first stone. It’s not like he’s a saint or he’s perfect. Everyone has their little black books.. Unfortunately, hers got exposed. If he feels that her past will haunt their future, he should just move on and don’t tie the poor girl down!

  6. He should deal with it. She dated his promiscous brother, so? We all have a past. I also think he’s being judgemental. How does dating his brother amount to low self esteem. He should suck it up and move on.
    However, if he thinks he can’t get past it, then its his loss. He shouldn’t subject the babe to a lifetime of resentment and hate. He should call her and break it off with her.
    I still think if he wants to, he can work on his thinking, mindset and prejudice and make the relationship work.

  7. If you can’t totally forgive her or let go of d excapades from her past then break off d relationship now dan subjecting urslef ad simi to a lifetime of pain N regret. Moreover, we all ve our past, what matters is d new person now.

  8. I am surprised dat the writer is angry at something dat is past and cannot 4give his gal.What of ur own past,guy,u arnt perfect,so 4gv her

  9. Hello,
    First and foremost, the idea of this post was to get people’s opinions on the article not to criticize the post. Find it funny that some people are being unnecessarily defensive to the author.

    Anyhoo, this is my view on the matter. The guy needs to confront both his brother and simisola. If the relationship was indeed sexual, he needs to decide on whether he is willing to live with that at the back of his mind. I just feel it is going to be very weird especially if the relationship is serious and marriage is feasible. I’m not a fan of exes of siblings dating. I just feel it’a one of those no-go areas. It’s just quite uncomfortable particularly if the relationship did not end on a happy note.

  10. This is a dicey one. I really dont know what gone farthest means, but was their relationship sexually consumated? If yes, then decision time.

    Can you handle the thot of your wife having been with your brother? I guess a lot of guys cant. If you honestly cant, just simply walk away. If you can, then stay and put it behind it. But please be truthful to yourself and dont stay, marry the lady and hate her for the rest of your life.

    May God guide you as you make a decision.

  11. I say leave that poor girl alone if that’s how you think you’re going to eventually feel about her. Please don’t subject another person to a lifetime of hatred. That’s so unfair. You don’t sound like you can ever let this go, so I think you should let her go now.

  12. Yes, the writer is judgemental but in that situation, anyone would. I say forgive and forget it but if it will keep popping back into your mind and affect the way you view or relate with your girlfriend, then just let her go now. Don’t stay with her if you’ll keep looking down on her.

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