Putting her foot down!

Hey guys! How are you doing? I have a question to pose today and I need your candid opinion, as usual. Here goes…

A friend of mine got married in November last year. She has this amazing job that enables her work from home. That’s every homemaker/wife/career woman’s dream job. She has been given all the tools she needs and she need not step out of her house except for the day long meeting that holds every other week. Her husband, on the other hand, works on the Island and has to leave the house as early as 5 am everyday to go to work.

Two weeks ago, her husband mentioned to her that he would now be picking a colleague to work and bringing her back everyday because she lives just before the estate gate and so it was very convenient for them both. She didn’t think anything of it and thought, ‘sure, why not?’

She calls me on Friday afternoon going on and on about how she is going to stop him from picking her henceforth. I asked why and she told me that that morning, she had to attend an impromptu meeting with a client on the Island and her car had problems, so she went with him to work and together, they went to this his colleague’s house to pick her up. Lo and behold, she saw a slim, pretty, tall girl rush out with one button undone in error. She still had her bendy rollers in her hair and was wearing bathroom slippers with her office shoes in hand. She says this girl is the finest girl she has seen in a while and she could help feeling threatened and uneasy.

innocent young girl

Immediately, she felt offended by her husband for having not made it clear to her that this his colleague wasn’t just ‘any’ colleague but a very very attractive and single girl. I thought that was ridiculous but she insisted that had she known that that was how the girl looked, she would never have agreed to the plan. She had thought it was a woman in her 40s or so who was a happily married woman and he could see as an aunty figure. I told her that was no assurance of faithfulness or harmlessness but she insisted that this particular girl might make it hard for a person not to stray. She was that attractive. I then asked how the girl reacted to her and she confirmed that she was very polite to her and courteous too but weirdly that was all the more reason why she was uncomfortable.

To make her more worried, as they drove, her husband goes to her, ‘babe, I’m changing the station, Ayodele doesn’t miss her favorite gospel programme at 6am each morning’. At that point, she knew she had to do something. In her words, she knows her husband is a sucker for good girls and that he has a liking for respectful ones too and this girl was very respectful. In addition, she was tall and slim, just like her. Those are his things too. He is a good Christian but she insists that she will not ‘lead him into temptation’ and that their spending hours together and talking about work and all made her very uneasy. She also mentioned many times that her husband hangs out ‘with friends’ waiting for the Island traffic to die down after work and she shuddered at the thought of both of them hanging out so often. She intends to tell him this weekend to let her know that the arrangement can no longer continue from Monday. She has also stated that she doesn’t care if it’s obvious to all (including the girl in question) that she is the one that has stopped the transport arrangement.

My suspicious friend

What do you guys think? Put yourself in the following situations:

* As a girl, who is innocently seeking a cost effective way to go to work, would you accept to go to work with your newly married colleague or would you seek alternatives? If you had no ulterior motives whatsoever, how would you feel if you are stopped from accompanying him and you now had to go by public transport?

*As a newly married lady, would you feel comfortable if your husband picks up a hot girl to work each morning and takes her home each night and sometimes has to hang with her after work somewhere waiting for the traffic to die down? Even if the girl is ‘born again’, will you be able to handle it?

*And you, as a married man, would you suggest or accept to take a girl to work and back each day knowing she is your exact spec and you might be exposing yourself to temptation? Conversely, would you accept your wife’s words to stop taking this girl especially when you know there’s absolutely nothing going on and the girl is a nice and harmless girl? In fact, through her you get to listen to the Word every morning something you never used to do before and on Wednesdays, you go to Church for midweek service on the Island at her suggestion instead of hanging with colleagues doing nothing productive. How will you tell her you can’t take her anymore? Will you be able to go to work each day without her knowing she must be stranded or have to take BRT when taking her will really not hurt you in anyway?

Let’s discuss guys!

Temiville.xoxo

66 comments

  1. If it wasn’t just the husband and the single girl, that is if other people were in d car, it wlda been ok. But as a married woman, I will definitely put a stop to it. My way of doing everyone a favor, my way of saving all of us a potentially unpleasant future.

  2. The wife is too jealous, one thing we women need to know is that there is always gonna be someone better looking , better behaved , better sense of humour than u. But u have to be confident in who u are, before her husband married her didn’t he see other girls yet he settled for her. If she continues like this she will destroy her marriage one of the foundations of marriage is trust and if that is missing though it is disguised under’led him not into temptation in this story. her lack of trust in her husband and lack of self confidence and self-esteem will soon start making cracks in d wall of her marriage she shud b very careful. As long as she knows her husband is not a perpetual womaniser she shud calm down. When the husband seed his wife’s confidence he will adore her more and no other girl no matter how pretty will be able to steal him away.

  3. Itink…she should stop her husband from taking the girl to work! it doesn’t matter if she’s right or wrong, she shouldn’t take chances, follow her guts…the young girl should find some1 else to follow jare!

  4. I just asked my husband.he says any normal guy would be tempted,so she is right to stop the arrangement.I also support her decision,they are spendin quality time together and there is no way feelings wouldn’t develop. t

  5. What’s with getting into a married man’s car half dressed? I mean, what is that all about. Would she have jumped on the public transport in such manner? If she is so much so a polite girl, what happened to her sense of decorum? In my opinion, that is simply unscrupulous. Never underestimate the unpredictability of emotions. Familiarity breeds fondness. Distraction is sly. Things could go out of hand in a twinkle. The missus’ decision I second …at least for her sanity and the preservation everyone’s dignity.

    http://nubianwaters.wordpress.com

    1. Innocent girl my foot. never underestimate a womans actions. everything we do is almost always properly thought of! most f our actions are never really spontenous.

  6. But we all know that if her husband wants to sleep with the chick he can still do that even if they stop working together Ba..

    …and teeeee has a point.

    1. Ok on a serious note:
      I think her husband is attracted to her already Or likes her.
      He already knows what the girl likes, he probably knows what her favorite food is and many more cos it’s obvious he spends more time with the chick than his wife.on their way to work,at work and on their way back,don’t forget the traffic oh so they have to be in the car together for long hours…Biko
      Wifey,let him see that he already likes her even unknown to him,that he spends more time with her,be polite about it ..cos once you sound bossy that’s when men when deliberately do what you as asking them not to do. And if he wants to make his marriage work and raise a beautiful family,and his head is correct he will think about it..I think someone really needs him to know how far this has gone.cos the truth is that most times in situations like this you won’t even know how you fell in love with the person…
      The chick can like to find another means of transportation…
      Pray,pray,pray!! That cannot be over emphasized..all the best and may God bless your home.amen

  7. I honestly thinks he has some sort of ‘healthy fear’. I probably wd be afraid myself…not to say that I won’t trust my husband but its better to be safe than sorry. I think the man obviously spends more time with the babe than with the wife with all this lagos traffic issues.

    I would most likely stop my hubby from picking her up…m sure my hubby won’t b d only person available in the area to pick her up…besides, how wz she expecting to get to work when she got d job in d 1st place? I no de joke with my man o. Lol

  8. Thinking about it now, he’s dancing very beautifully to the babes ‘tunes and suggestion’. I’m very certain that if it wz his wife that suggested these, he probably won’t listen to her. He’s spending 2much tym with her, knows her likes and dislikes…not good.

    I personally will not make it a habit of entering a mans car (young or old, married or unmarried)…afterall, I’d get to work with or without him. Now, for the husband not to ask his wife what she wants to listen to on the way to work, but instantly says ” ‘babe, I’m changing the station, Ayodele doesn’t miss her favorite gospel programme at 6am each morning’”…is scary, next thing hed say to the wife is “babe, were eating at oceanview restaurant cos that’s where ayodele eats…” Or “no, we can’t go there cos ayodele reacts to the air they breathe there”. The man is getn too attached to the gurl and I’m in full support of her putting her foot down.

    I sent the link to my cousin, a guy and here’s what he says

    well if it makes d wife uncomfortable then he shld stop. He shld also explain to the girl why he is stopping and if d girl had no ulterior motive she would understand. He can listen to gospel without the chic in d car if he wants to so no excuse. And yes it may well be innocent but we should save ourselves from temptation. He can give her few days notice so she can arrange alternative means.
    But generally if wife is not comfortable and she has voiced her concerns then he shld stop and respect his wifes discomfort

    I guess that says it…better safe than sorry. I can’t put petrol beside a burning candle and expect that all will be well.

  9. This is stupid….whatever will be, will be. If the seed of cheating has germinated in both the husband and the chick, there’s nothing this new bride can do……except wait, pray & plan to nab the idiats. Cos the husband (if he’s like me) wouldn’t want it to seem that the wife is controlling him by stopping him from taking this girl

    Young girls are bastards (especially youth corpers), the husband shoulda known this. They are always looking for the easiest way out; free ride, free meals, free recharge card, and for the serious bastards, free rent, free car, free trip to Dubai etc depending on how fucked up her upbringing & values are….

    This situation is a ticking time bomb. They should “apply wisdom”, talk to his friends to make him see the light….OR if she’s like me: hire boys to fuck that bitch up cos sooner or later she would do something that would make her wanna her

    #Gaskia

    1. “Young girls are bastards (especially youth corpers), the husband shoulda known this. They are always looking for the easiest way out; free ride, free meals, free recharge card, and for the serious bastards, free rent, free car, free trip to Dubai etc depending on how fucked up her upbringing & values are….”
      ROTFL…..! That was one of the best comments on this post. Cynical man, cynical but true! I’m a female youth corper oh! ℓ☺ℓ! Getting a free ride isn’t so bad, her coming out with a button undone shows ulterior motives. Would she do that if it were her dad or an elderly man, no matter the rush?
      The wifey shd broach this matter to her hubby with wisdom. That’s all she needs, wisdom, tact , to be done when he’s in a good mood…..hehehehe

    2. Its true that seed can be sown in someone heart to carry out the plan, however there is still hope before the plan is exhibited(even after the plans is executed sef). so please dont say whatever will be will be if there is a way out and if something can be stopped.

      Abeg, we have rules and boundaries and I it think should be respected, to say whatever will be in a context where something fishy is already foreseen, is like saying am playing with fire but if it burns me it cool, cos am playing with it… but the consequences is far greater……. #myopinion#

  10. The truth is he would begin to get attracted to this girl no matter what. He may not cheat for there would definitely be an attraction. Little things like this causes infidelity. We are humans and we need to put deliberate check on ourselves. Even pastors fall for things like this. Born again or no born again, the human flesh is not born again. You have to discipline it. I would have expected the guy to maybe look for someone else to take along to work with her. She should not force it though, she needs to have a honest talk with her husband which should be done with wisdom. About feeling insecure, I think we all get jealous of what we truly love. Even God. But she should be careful and not be too paranoid but that scene in the young ladies house is very not a good one for something that happens every day. She definitely realizes that someone else spends more time with her husband. Probably her love language is quality time. I think she needs calm down and create avenues to spend more time with her husband. She has to work on it if that’s the case.

  11. The Bible says we should flee from all appearances of evil, I guess because GOD knows we do not have what it takes to overcome it. The man is in so deep in with this girl that he probably can’t see what trouble this could bring, but it’s the wife’s, job in this case,to draw boundaries. So what if she goes to church with him on Wednesdays? Even pastors fall for temptation in one moment of blindness, don’t they? And her coming into his car half-prepped and with a button undone would trigger a natural reaction of desire in any full-blooded human male, even if she means well. She appears to be spending more time with him than his new wife, what with the whole morning and evening rides, church and hanging out to beat traffic business–not good! I think I’d be suspicious, too, if my man tells me lagbaja “does not miss her” one-thing-or-the-other, when she’s not me, his mother or daughter, because it is not in his place to know any other woman so well. It’s a pointer in the direction of impending trouble. I also do not think that she, who could get a job in a city with high unemployment rates would not know how else to get to work. Wifey, if you think she’s big deal, then go ahead, and take your intuitions seriously. Stop your man. Better that than worry in silence. Do all you can to make him reason with you. Be coy, be tactful, and veer him in the right direction. Let him feel that decision is his to make. Put your foot down? He’ll go all stubborn on you, trying to show you that whole who-wears-the-pants-in this-relationship thingy, en that might lead to bigger troubles than you’re trying to stop.

  12. Rather than demanding he stops taking her to work, I would advice the wife to talk to him about how she feels about the situation. She should explain how that the issue is her feeling uncomfortable with the situation, not about not trusting her husband. Then she should leave the decision to her husband. Forcing your partner to do what you want against their will is never good.

    As for the girl encouraging him to be a better Christian, this is good. But it is no reason to justify continuing the current arrangement if deep down he knows his wife’s fears are justified. Everything is for a season. You made her life easy for a period of time and she brought you a bit closer to God. That may the reason why your paths crossed.

    As for the girl; she should calmly accept if the husband decides to stop carrying her. Whether this decision is justified is irrelevant. It is better to walk away than to be falsely accused of damaging his marriage.

    1. I agree she should discuss her fears and talk it out politely and rationally. if he insists nothing, pray and keep reminding him of how u really feel….. Before, doing the talk, pray for the holyspirit to minister to him.

  13. Since i follow this blog, i read this the moment it was posted last night and it formed a part of my thoughts through the night.
    First of all the husband has left room for things to go on in his head “i have permission from my wife to pick and drop this girl”, and that’s why he had d audacity to tell his wife what the girl prefers to listen to at 6am. Lesson1: Women, do not approve your husband to take a decision where you do not know all the variables. Ask questions when your husband asks for permissions like this.

    Secondly, by giving the girl preference in the presence of his wife he has remotely rubber stamped whatever emotions the girl has for him. And if she didnt have any emotions before then ,she must could have said in her head ” He even likes me enough in the face of his wife” Lesson 2: Guys your wife’s preference should b number 1 under any circumstance. Never leave other women ,especially colleagues, any iota of doubt that your wife is Numero Uno. Some of them have been wishing they were married to you.
    “The man is nice: his marriage may be heading to the rocks”

    Thirdly, is this girl really a nice gurl? If she was she would have offered the your friend the right to the station that morning. That should be a no-brainer for any nice girl who doesnt want to create an impression of being too close to a married man in the presence of his wife. lesson: young girls, no matter how close you are to a man please do not allow your matter be the source of rancour and bitterness in their marriage. Be wise. One day you will be married.

    Finally, your friend needs to pray and subtly put it to her husband that even though she approve of this daily activity of his in the past ,she now feels otherwise. The manner she puts this accross to him is very critical. She must not sound like she’s commanding him else he revolts totally.
    Remember, if anything goes wrong between her husband and this girl she may never forgive herself for permitting him to pick and drop her everyday.
    http://thepassionchronicles.wordpress.com

  14. The bible says flee appearances of evil, My pastor once discussed how he had 2 stop driving his sister 2 programs 2 avoid suspicion. People believers or non believers seeing this young beautiful girl with him won’t take time 2 investigate before jumping into conclusions. This could have led to the fall of some believers.
    If a pastor could stop driving his own sister, what is the price of one girls discomfort to ur marriage?
    How and when did he meet this girl? That they discovered they share the same route??
    The only thing we are told as christians is to flee from temptation! Not even flee from the devil.
    The only issue here is how to effectively communicate her discomfort to her husband

  15. It’s even rubbish to come out of the house half dressed, no decorum at all. It means she is tempting the man. She has to tell her hubby her fear, why would he change the station she was listening to, so many things have to be sorted out in this case o. She has to stop him from taking her to work (but will she monitor him?) It’s really a big deal and I can’t take this from my hubby, even though we av two kids. The earlier the better jare, she should look for all ways to stop him and also follow him occassionally. Ladies of nowadays are out there to ruin good homes, they even go to the extent of using jazz if the hubby proves difficult. Beware o

  16. that the lady even came out like that with a button undone n odas shows dat she has become so familiar with the man that she doesn‘t mind him seeing her like that… dey might not know it but unconsciously dey could begin to fall in love with each oda and oda tins follow n it might be too late.
    like two odas ve rightly said the Bible says “flee every appearances of evil“. “if your hand should cause you to sin cut it off“. in this case he needs to literally get rid of the girl.
    the woman should let the man know how she feels,it‘s better than bottling it up inside. but she should be careful the way she goes about it. and the man should be sensitive to his wife‘s feelings.
    as for the lady dat nids a lift,she should beta find anoda means, cos personally if a married man should offer to give me a ride to work everyday i‘ll decline becos i won‘t people to start sayin tins and i won‘t want to be the reason why his marriage will suffer.

    http://www.pharmacistcumnovelist.blogspot.com

  17. That the lady even came out like that with a button undone n others, shows that she has become so familiar with the man that she doesn”t mind him seeing her like that…they might not know it but unconsciously they could begin to fall in love with each other and other things might follow n it might be too late’.
    Like two others have rightly said the Bible says ” flee every appearances of evil”.”if your right hand should cause you to sin cut it off”. In this case he needs to literally get rid of the girl.
    the woman should let the man know how she feels, it’s better than bottling it up inside. but she should be careful the way she goes about it and the man should be sensitive to his wife’s feelings.
    As for the lady that needs a lift, she should better find another means, cos personally if a married man should offer to give me a ride to work everyday i’ll decline the offer because i won’t want people to start saying things and i won’t want to be the reason why his marriage will suffer.

    http://www.pharmacistcumnovelist.blogspot.com

  18. First off , you don’t ‘know’ for sure that the girl is harmless, you don’t know anyone’s heart..so one has to always tread carefully, i have been married for 7 years and my hubby is a ladies man, the kind that most of his friends are girls? ..oh the stories i could share..the girl is pretty and respectful abi?..the scenario before us is a time bomb, if it looks like a dog and barks like a dog..it is … She cannot order her husband to stop picking the girl up, he already likes spending time with her and his ego will respond , he will most likely ignore her or try and prove a point, wisdom is needed here. She needs to talk to her husband and tell him her fears honestly and respectful (maybe create a romantic atmosphere , you know to stroke his ego) and pray hard…it works! ..men think they know it all and can handle themselves and they usually want to prove it to the determent of their marriage….please tell your friend not to turn into a fight cos it will backfire, she should tell him her heart and pray ..and leave it at that! and as for the girl taking BRT or bus please, there is nothing wrong with it, how is that even an issue, why are we taking panadol for someone else’s headache? . she can get someone else to follow ….as a single girl i never took rides from married colleagues unless their wives were always in the car too..i can’t shout!

  19. if i was the innocent babe, i’d preserve my integrity. its goin to b hard o, but i’l respect d woman for stoppin d free ride. one day, i go marry n i wont find it funny if i’m d wife. i will certainly respect a man who knows his weaknesses- hot girl vs wife? lol

  20. If am in her shoes…will definitely stop my husband from picking her up. this i will do in a subtle manner so as not to push him farther from me.I will tell him am no longer comfortable with him picking her.

  21. k, first off, r those really pictures of your friend and her husband’s co-worker cos they both look really cute. lol.
    on a serious note, i think every woman who really loves her man no matter how much she trusts him would have a certain level of jealousy and protectiveness over him. meanwhile, being a christain has got nothing to do with it. i’m sure you know temi that ‘born again’ has become a cliche (unfortunately).
    Either way, what has the potential to happen will sooner or later and even her stopping her husband from picking or spending time with the co-worker wont stop it. worse, it might even start giving him pictures he didnt hitherto have.
    i’d advice she sits her husband down and talk to him about her feelings in the most understanding tone she can. only him can reassure her and if she’s still feeling insecure, then talk to the one who brought them together in the first place (God). that oughta work.
    seriously, men do not take lightly to being told what to or not to do. even when they care, their subconscious just kicks against it so she has to be careful not to give the outside hottie an opening.

  22. Now, reading a bunch of comments here, i’m overtly shocked at the way some people here came to certain conclusions based on the summary the author of the story written above.

    First, I’d like to ask, what if the situation was the other way around? i.e. what if it was the girl who had the ride and was providing assistance to the guy? would the wife say “Oh I don’t want you riding to work with the girl”.

    Second, Who is to say that asides from the time spent in the car by both the guy and girl that they don’t work together on projects and eat lunch around the same spot during lunch time, which also applies to everyone in the same company? So of what effect or weight will banning her husband from driving the young lady to work have or carry?

    Third, some or most of the comments I have read so far, are stirred towards criticizing the girl for not dressing properly. Now lets look at this scenario, from what I can understand the girl had to rush out with rollers in her hair and her buttons not properly done, meaning she probably didn’t have enough time to get dressed before the guy and his wife appeared at her place. Please you people should give the girl a break! Jeez!

    Fourth, some of us on here accuse the guy of changing the channel for the girl to listen to her gospel program, and from there we came to a conclusion that he now knows about her dislikes, likes, her type food, way of life etc… smh, man you guys should stop kidding yourselves. The man was being polite if anything at all. I often do that for anyone who rides in my car (although I’m not married), it’s just courtesy. Also some guy on here started lambasting female youth corpers. What has that got to do with this story for heaven’s sake? The story didn’t say anything about the young lady being a youth corper. We all know the situation of that country, most people don’t know anyone at where they posted.

    Lastly, most people are painting the innocent girl as a prostitute out to get another man’s wife. The lady has not committed any crime seeking assistance from the man, by way of free ride to avoid being late and saving some money in the process. The man has not committed any crime by providing this assistance as well, so I suggest we lay off on casting any aspersions. My advise will be for the wife to politely make her fears known to her husband, and not try to “put her foot down” like some rational people have stated earlier on, and if he truly is a respectful and loving he’ll do the right thing. I can understand the wife being s little jealous or envious, it only means she is human, but she must not let it cause a fracture in the trust and bond she has built with her husband over the years. The wife may want to consider going more often to see her husband at work, not because she wants to keep an eye on him, rather because she wants to spend more time with him. Trust is a paramount… very paramount factor in any relationship/marriage, hence she must let her husband know she trusts him wholeheartedly, and if she’s a God-fearing woman she’ll pray to God about it.

    As my Yoruba people will say, “Oju lo ma n ri oju sanu”. Simply put one good turn deserves another. We don’t know where our good deeds will take us, neither do we have any clue where we may meet ourselves in the future. Don’t mortgage your future on jealousy! Let’s not use the fact that infidelity may happen as an excuse to deter ourselves from assisting our sisters and brothers in need of help!

    Q.E.D.

  23. It is a tough one. The female in me wants her to scream to her hubby to stop the arrangement but is that the wisest option?

    The bible says perfect love casts out fear. I believe if she acts on her feelings thats a seed of fear that has been sown in her marriage. She will start to double check her hubby at every given opportunity who has not actually given her a reason to… This is a tactic of the enemy to sow a bigger seed of distrust in their marriage which is capable of causing tremendous havoc in their new family.

    Even if she tells her hubby, he might not listen to her n even stop telling her things. It would also point out her problems with insecurity and self esteem. Cos why did she feel more at ease with the image of a much older woman? We would always meet people we think are more attractive than our spouses, we would always have ‘those’ feelings for other people etc….BUT its the fear of God that keeps a believer in check from acting out those feelings – pls let your friend know she is incapable of squashing those feeling ( thats if they exist sef)

    I would advise her (though i admit its very tough) to continue to pray for her marriage, come against all plans of the enemy etc and try to trust her hubby. Its hard but thats what i advise.

  24. the bible says “watch and pray” not pray alone. i believe the “watch’ there doesnt only mean you should “siddon look”…take action if necessary. dont wait until the ;’deed is done’ b4 u start fighting for your husband.

    love and trust go hand in hand, yes, but i tell you, all the people whose partners cheated on them loved and trusted their partners and they would never in a million years have assumed their partners would cheat.

    pls tell ur friend to discuss with her husband.

  25. I don’t want to assume that the girl has any ulterior motives. But we must be realistic. Its lagos, and traffic is terrible. A good chunk of the day is spent on commuting to and from work. It is a fertile ground for emotional unfaithfulness. When you have a bad day at the office, you are more likely to tell the person stuck in traffic beside you. By the time you get home, she has likely calmed you down even by just listening. You may not even see the need to bother your wife because its no longer an issue.

    The nature of my job means that there’s a lot of married men who cant come out to the field with their families. A certain friend of mine had no evil intentions, but because of work we ended up spending lots of time. I had to make a decision to put him at arms length, like I told him, “i will be someone’s wife tomorrow, and I want to sow good seeds into my future”

    As wives/future wives, we must ask for grace to trust our husbands, but wisdom also demands that you draw his attention to a potentially destructive situation. There’s nothing wrong with giving someone a ride, but sometimes you have to forgo the good that might do to forestall the potential hurt it could do to your relationship.

    For men, the commandment to love your wives involves respecting their opinion and (possibly misplaced fears), so if your wife is uncomfortable, its worth checking yourself.

  26. The Bible says ” Flee from all appearances ofevil”.
    What it means is that even it is not evil but appear as such, we should flee.
    Some years back as an IT student in SPDC, PH. I used to accompany my brother-in-law who was an SPDC staff to work. I observed that he never gave any of those IT students/ Corpers ride. Those ones were in the habit of looking for free ride. He was a staunch born again Christian and in my heart I felt it was no harm giving them a ride since I was always in the vehicle but he always brushed them off saying “Sorry”
    The guy in question from the beginning should not have agreed to the young girl’s request. Stopping now will send wrong signals and cause enmity. But the couple should talk about it and saving their marriage is more important than pleasing anybody.

  27. Well since u didn’t ask for the opinions of we the single guys…so ama just advice the married couple to cook up the car developing a great many fault ( from bad ac to bad fuel consumption..blame it on the subsidy *winks*)…that way nobody would be painted bad…d guy should do PT for a month…trust me before the month ends another good samaritan would ave filled up the spot if she is that attractive n christ like !

  28. Well since u didn’t ask for the opinions of we the single guys…so ama just advice the married couple to cook up a story bout the car developing a great many fault ( from bad ac to bad fuel consumption..blame it on the subsidy *winks*)…that way nobody would be painted bad…d guy should do PT for a month…trust me before the month ends another good samaritan would ave filled up the spot if she is that attractive n christ like !

  29. 1. I wonder what the response would be if a man told his wife to stop giving a good looking male coworker a ride. We would crucify him. We will say he is insecure, that he is controlling her etc
    2. If it’s not the girl that he could give a ride to, it’ll be the girl at his work cafeteria. There will always be a lady more beautiful than you. Especially, if you let yourself go after you get married to him…Forget it…there will definitely be prettier women than you that are his type physically
    3. Yea sure, he gets orders to stop carrying the chick and he stops. What is the lingering effect? He starts to “escape” her and that action confirms her that it is ONLY her insecurity of other beautiful women that is at play.
    4. Not so say that its better when a man “puts his foot down” about something like this but I know that its not a good thing when a man is feeling like his woman is controlling him. Men already have pride issue. Major pride issues. You don’t see the chick, get freaked out and “order him to stop giving the chick a ride…even if you’re justified” The best solution is to talk to him from the perspective that she Is not trying to control him but that she is uncomfortable with the situation. ..that she admits its partly because the chick is quite attractive but that more because the chick disrespects their marriage by coming into the car dressing risqué and etc THEN, if the man blows her off, she can put her foot down because it is no longer an issue of insecurity about the chick, but an issue of disrespect from her man…she has now brought the issue home…back to two of them..outside the third party
    5. This isn’t about being right (even though we all know she is right about it being better for him not t o give her rides any more). No. This is about TACT and wisdom. Does she want to win the argument and put her foot down and in the process, lose her man for real and now for real face the very thing that she was afraid of? What good would that do?
    6. She should (a) talk to him…like her husband..her man..someone she loves and who she is sure loves him. (b) not freak out and put any foot down. Put HIS foot up, and remind him why he married her. (c) speak his language. Be objective not just emotional. Not go talking about how the other girl is pretty and his type and slutty and ….NO…be objective. Make him step back and see how she felt a bit disrespected when he just said he is changing the station to the girls fav channel without putting her first, how she felt that the girl wasn’t dressed decently even with her (wifey) in the car and that while she (wifey ) is confident in him as a man of integrity, she can see reason why that environment (him and the chick) will make it very hard to remain that man of integrity

  30. Reading a few of the comments here has only validated a recent discovery for me: there’s no one way to handling relationship issues. Just as GOD has created us as unique beings, our uniqueness is made evident in our relationships, as well as in every other area of our lives. I guess what I’m saying in this whole round-about way is that rather than seeking advice from humans and getting so many confusing messages, she should turn to GOD. Yes, we have Bible back ups for all our perspectives, but that doesn’t make us altogether right, especially since our messages are very contradictory, and we’re almost all becoming judgmental. Your friend probably already knows how to handle this in her heart. How about basing your decision on this: “… in all your ways acknowledge HIM and HE shall direct your path”? There’s also this for backup: “call unto ME and I will answer you…” Tell her to pray for wisdom. It may turn out to be a no deal, but it would hurt no one to fortify her marriage with prayers.
    Often, we seek help from friends or family for marital dilemmas, but without meaning to, the advices/actions we get from these loved ones–who mean well, by the way–only serve to increase, rather than solve the problem. There’s only ONE person, who knows the answers, so, your dear “a friend of mine” would do well to seek HIM

  31. No time to take too much time for granted….i will put my foot to the ground. my man is mine so i talk sense to him.

  32. its a clear case of female gut/instinct which rarely fails, our mothers have tried this gut potion, it hardly fails!
    That said, Mr.Nice Guy needs to flee as all other comments have implied, and unfortunately, that will be hard. He his already falling as indicated (her fave gospel station), she needs to speak with him and not order him, reason with him and not resent him…
    Since he was nice enough to ask for her permission to carry Miss Undone Button, it might not be a tough call too stop picking her.
    Prayer is also needed, from Mr & Mrs, in the mean time, Mrs should take it easy, men will always be men.

  33. Honestly,d woman needs to rescue her husband 4rm d babe.if not,somethg disastrous might follow.d man is already exposd to temptatn n it’s only Jesus Christ our Lord dt wl not fall for it.

  34. Having read all d comments posted, i just want to take time to say that a person appearing innocent, meaning no harm or even helping a man draw nearer to Christ doesnt mean, the person’s actually innocent. Who says the kingdom of darkness do not have strategies laid out with the aim of destroying homes. Even youth fellowship executives, choir mistresses and singles presidents with all their knowledge of God’s word have ruined other people’s homes and i really want people to understand that nobody should be underestimated. Be careful of your actions and deeds, some good deeds can be exploited and be made to lead one astray. My conclussion is… A stitch in time saves nine, i mean life. Love all but trust none. Watch n pray…. Flee all appearances of evil, Resist the devil, she might be on a mission even though she looks otherwise.
    For the lady, apply wisdom, be tactful n prayerful n talk to him with love telling him to put himself in your shoes and realising that men are more easily moved by what they see……, help him to grow in the fear of God cuz its not disclipline that keeps him away from falling into such sin but the fear of God.

  35. The first thought that came to my mind is: how would she relay her concern to her husband if she chooses to communicate with him, without making it seem out of place or putting ideas in his head. The truth: she should pray for guidance and utterance from the holyspirit.

    2)if for whatever reasons her husband insists on picking d other lady up no matter her protest. Pray for him, for he sees what you d woman does not see. For instance, he might like her, not realise it or be in denial. He might simply feel his wife is overeating (might be defending the other lady, again might like her and not know that is the case).

    3)I believe in a relationship where communication and transparency including partnership is exercised, I do believe as hard it might be for the dude or otherwise. Respect your wife’s concern and back off. Why: she is the bone of your bone, your helper and the one that you promised before God and man to love. Having said that, this is no room for negative manipulation from the wife ohh. i.e. whatever i tell my husband to do he will do, mehn forget, once u take that for granted and he realises forget it ohh. He is doing it becos he loves you and desires not to hurt you and if he hurts you intentionally or not, he will try to undo it or rectify it,(he is been accountable, vice versa in the case of a woman).

    Needless to say, if they tell the other lady the issue, if she is upset because of the transport, I would like to think she is matured enough to let it go. If she is genuinely godly she will communicate her concerns for an upgrade to God i.e. increase in pay or better job, so she can buy her own transport or pay for cab. If she is really gutted and not because of the transport, I dont think she will stop at her game ohh, some people their stubbornness is beyond comprehension. Again, wife needs to keep praying and hubby too.

    These things do happen, and I like to imagine myself in the wife’s shoes, i think I will start by appreciating my hubby(make his head swell, well well,) Why: men love respect lol most esp a loving dude… Ephesians 5:22-33. Besides that, its simply stating the facts and appreciating him even when he knows that he does a lot or does not, the little he does will encourage him to do more. Who does not like to be appreciated.

    In my case, I like to think he knows me well enough to understand my emotions and methods of communication lol. But then again, you want to communicate without insinuating anything negative or attacking anyone or over-analysing things etc.(Na Holyspirit person need and wisdom).
    For instance, I will start by saying, baby I think you are a very generous man, and so kind, ur heart is so big. Am amazed at such, God will reward you openly and inwardly for all ur support. In fact, i feel valued and appreciated at the simple fact that you approach me each time you chose to make a decision am honoured. I remember sometime you mentioned you will be picking a lady up and dropping her at work. I think that is a kind gesture, being able to drop her at work and then pick her up.

    Am assuming at this point hubby: will sense that am not comfortable with it and although it might kill him to say what is next i.e. so I guess u are uncomfortable. Well, yes, I am, not that am threatened but yes, I dont feel comfortable about the whole pick and drop. I do think that if he is on my page, we will discuss further and come to a conclusion. if he finds her attractive, which I don’t mind him telling me, but its his afterthoughts i..e. killing it now.

    Marriage is a learning process and both individuals need to respect that it wont always go the way you expect or desire. Sometimes, none is to blame but to learn and improve. so I will talk my own, pray and leave it. I am not going to be stressing over anything, even though it might hurt as my emotions are involved. Abeg, I need my sanity, I have a purpose too, but it is what it is, I can only try and leave the rest in God’s hands….

    Well… contemplating apologising for the long essay or more a like a post lol… sorrryyyyy….

  36. Hmmm an interesting one……

    The 2 things that raised alarm bells in my head were the young lady’s inappropriate dressing in the car (which implies a certain level of comfort and familiarity in the husband’s presence) and the husband changing the radio station (which may not mean anything if the wife didn’t have any sort of preference).

    Having said this, i think the wife should share her feelings/ concerns with her husband. She should make it as clear as possible that she doesn’t mistrust him neither does she suspect him of anything, however it is others she doesn’t trust.

    Before all this she definitely has to pray, both for her husband and how the conversation goes, because the devil works in many different ways, so no matter how well she thinks she is relating her message, the devil can turn it upside down and her husband hears something different.

    She should pray :

    1. For her husbands choices- That God give him wisdom for every decision he makes, for him to make godly choices……Josh 24:15 and Prov 16:16

    2. Temptation- The Lord should strengthen him so he resists all temptation that comes his way, and stamp it out of his mind before it reaches his heart …..Mark 14:38 and 1Cor 10:13.

    I’m not going to jump to conclusions as to how the husband feels about the young lady- as he may just genuinely be a nice guy who tries to do nice things for those around him e.g. the radio station incidence. However he definitely needs to ‘realise’ he is a married man and that whatever level of niceness he may have exhibited before marriage needs to be carefully accessed now, as he has to consider the feelings of his wife.

    The wife should calm down as well, she should commit her fears to God and ask him to teach her to take her thoughts captive for Christ. She can’t constantly suspect every young lady that comes her husbands way, because after a while she may begin to take her frustrations out on him.

    She should pray for her husband, her home and her mind.

  37. Cheating aside, the woman is uncomfortable with the arrangement and that alone could affect their relationship regardless of what goes down with the girl so my advice is she lets her husband know exactly how she feels, stating that she trusts him but does not trust the girl and cause the thought is already planted in her head, she cant be at peace till something is done.

    If her husband truly cares about how she feels, he will put an end.. If tables were turned will the husband allow a nice looking, handsome, well spoken man who’s single pick his wife up EVERYDAYYYY????

    The bible says flee from all appearances of evil…

  38. Hmmmmmmmmm, many of us
    are looking at this from just one
    side ooo, the wife’s side of the
    story. This is what the prolific
    writer, Chimamanda Adichie once
    referred to as –The danger of the
    single story. Even the bible says
    in Pr.18:17- ”The first one to
    plead his case seems right, until
    his neighbor comes & examines
    him”.
    Now, having once being a single
    working lady (very tall &
    beautiful too ) who relied on
    male colleagues, married or not,
    for a ride, ( I was the only female
    professional staff in my branch- I
    work in a bank) given the fact
    that we go to work very early in
    the morning and sometimes
    close late at night, I see
    absolutely nothing wrong in the
    husband giving the girl free
    rides. To me, the girl might not
    have had anything in mind at all.
    Who even knows if her dress was
    unbuttoned as the wife put it, or
    was that just a figment of her
    already paranoid mind? I don’t
    mean to be condescending, not
    one bit. But just to state the fact
    that we ladies can sometimes let
    our minds conjure non existent
    fears, whenever we feel that our
    territory is being threatened.
    That said, I feel the wife needs to
    get to know this single lady first.
    Is she really a threat? In my case,
    I got to know the wives of all my
    male colleagues who were
    married before me, in whose
    cars I frequently rode before I
    got mine. I would not have dared
    hurt my pride as a virtuous
    woman, knowing that I am the
    cause of tension in someone
    else’s home. Besides, that her
    husband stops taking the lady to
    work does not mean that he will
    also start wearing a sunshade
    that is beautiful-women-proof.
    From my experience, when you
    start suspecting a man who has
    nothing wrong on his mind, he
    will build an unhealthy resistance
    towards you, his wife.
    To me though, it was insensitivity
    on her husband’s part to
    mention the fact that his female
    colleague preferred a particular
    radio station. I won’t feel good
    about that at all! Which wife
    would abeg? That said, he may
    only have been courteous to his
    colleague or He may even be
    trying to let his wife know that
    the girl is a “good Christian chic”
    since she has preference for
    gospel stations. Savvy?
    However, if her fears are
    germane, then she should open
    up to her man about how she
    feels. I believe that under normal
    circumstances, each man has his
    pin code and an understanding
    wife will know how to press the
    right buttons to get what she
    wants (chuckles), just that
    sometimes, we let our emotions
    to get the best of us and we end
    up building a wall instead of a
    bridge.
    Anyways, may the Lord give her
    wisdom.

  39. As a married woman, I would be totally with your friend. The bible kuku says we should flee all appearances of evil. So even if it isn’t evil, just the appearance alone should be FLED from. As a single girl with church mind, I go vex o but the woman is protecting her marriage so I no go too blame am. As the man I would respect my wife’s wishes. After all, who knws tmrw? God may just be warninng me through her.

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