What to do with the ball?

Yesterday Ola got rude to me. Well, not quite rude but he gave me one of these his famous frank responses that hurt to the marrow. Truth be told, I can’t stand his straightforwardness. He comes off as rude a lot of the time but I’ll keep quiet. No use ruffling feathers and waking the sleeping Rottweiler and to be honest, that’s just one of many issues I have with him. Ola is my boyfriend.

Last week, Enitan got engaged. The man of her dreams finally proposed to her. To be honest, only Enitan was amazed at the news. We all saw it coming. Her boyfriend, Moses (wow Lara, you need to get used to calling him her fiancé) had been the serious type from Day 1. He’s the exact type that seems to elude me, the type who wants to settle down forsaking all others. Enitan is my sister.

Enitan is my only sister but in between us are two boys, Olumide and Olufemi. So you can understand the little tinge of pain I felt when baby Enitan called me screaming/crying/hyperventilating over the phone that her boyfriend of 16 months proposed. I was glad for her but sad for me. Moses was 28 when they met and she was 22. But he was your very mature type of 28 year old male; the type whose maturity extends to his dressing. I hardly saw him in jeans and when I did, they were smart looking jeans. His idea of casual dressing was Chinos and Polos.

Enitan had always been the luckier one with guys. Though there is a 4 year gap between us, I had to admit that she had a way with men, they just couldn’t get over her. Of the two of us, I’m the prettier and more academically inclined but she is more street wise and discerning. All through our growing years till date, it was never unusual to find me, the elder sister, calling up Enitan for advice. Even our dad found in her a buddy. She was the stronger one and whilst I was daddy’s pet, she was daddy’s paddy. She and dad would discuss issues on politics, football, F1 etc. for hours. They would argue, fight, and laugh into the night sipping on Brandy while mom and I retired to bed. We were the girly girls who were more concerned with watching the Kardashians on E! than CNN.

Enitan was very firm with Moses from Day 1, firm but loving and kind. I admired their relationship and it was very clear who the stronger person was in it. After their 16 months together, Moses could now hardly make a decision without dialing Enitan’s number to seek her opinion.

6 months into Enitan and Moses’ relationship, I met Ola. Ola was 29 and was self employed. He was running a catering business. I found this weird at first but that was before seeing the passion with which he handled the business. It was his mom’s business before she passed on 3 years ago and ever since he completed his MBA, he totally immersed himself in the company and has single handedly worked on its expansion. Now, they operate in three states-Lagos, Abuja and Calabar.

I saw Ola as the ideal husband for me and would do all in my powers to make him happy. I took it as my assignment to ensure I keep him happy. My mom has always been the perfect wife to dad and I dreamed of being able to do all that for my own husband someday. I cook, clean, wash and even learned how to make Calabar dishes for him (His dad is Yoruba but his mom, who he was closer to, was from Calabar). Despite my efforts to please him, he ended up cheating on me…

Beeba, my cousin and best friend, thinks what transpired is not cheating. She says guys are really bad out there and I should be grateful for the kind of man I have. Then I ran what happened by Enitan who told me in her ever straight shooter fashion that it didn’t get any worse than that.

I found out Ola was ‘talking to’ another girl. Well, she was actually the one doing the talking but he was not exactly fighting her off. She was one of those extra wealthy girls whose fathers have a hand in almost everything going on in Lagos State. She obviously felt she has something to offer and it was painful to see that he was falling into her trap. I told him I wasn’t comfortable about the frequency of their communication. She calls him almost every day and they would exchange BB messages endlessly. His response to my concern was that she was merely a business contact and he was looking into securing some contracts through her dad and that it was high time I started seeing her as a sales lead and nothing else.

I went through their chats in his presence. Yes, he told her point blank that he is in a relationship. Yes, he told her he was happy in it (the useless girl actually asked). But how happy can you possibly be in your relationship if you always respond to her messages? I saw some chats timed at 1:05 am and he responded by 1:07am! Even if you are awake, it’s only decent to reply in the morning. I think.

It didn’t stop at this. The real thing that got me mad was that she invited him to an event hosted by her father’s friend at his residence. It was painful enough that he went with her as her date but even worse that he lied to me about where he was that day. I just didn’t have peace all through that evening and the next day I drove to his house. I saw a BBM that read thus,

‘Thanks so much for being my ‘date’. You looked really dapper in that suit. I know I kept on telling you but I just have to say it again. Btw, everyone says we’ll make a cute couple. I think so too. Goodnight hun. ‘BBM kissing smiley’

His response made me go red (yes, I literally went red as I’m very light skinned).

‘Lol @ making a good match. You’re very pretty so that cuteness will majorly be contributed by you. I had a great time too. Thanks for inviting me. ‘BBM hug smiley’.

I immediately confronted him and told him that it’s either he deletes her and stopped further communication or it’s over. Ola looked into my eyes and told me that if I’m not mature enough to see the whole thing as mere networking then maybe I’m not mature enough to be in a relationship with him. He said to me that I’m very insecure and the very thing that made him like me was my confident gait,  carriage and demeanor and that I was beginning to lose that and he’s not sure what to say about that because a confident woman is very essential to him.

He told me that at my age I should know that if he was intending to cheat on me, he would do it easily and I would never find out. When I asked him why he felt it right to lie to me about his whereabouts the night before, he claimed that it was because he knew the kind of woman he was with-the type who would never understand and would be unreasonable and ask him not to honour the invitation. I asked him why he didn’t accept and then offer to bring along his girlfriend. He said it was ‘bad for business.’ Bad for business?!!!

***

Enitan has come to her conclusion-let him be. But I guess that’s what would work for her. I love him but would be happier if he were more loving and less mechanical and brash. He says he can’t let go of friendships because of me and now I am being forced to humble myself and accept it when he picks her calls and BBM her in my presence!

Is this not akin to him selling himself? Is this not like some degree of prostitution where you lead someone on with the hope that you gain something from them because they think you are a potential? Is this not wrong? I’m really unhappy about this but I don’t know if it is enough to let go of him for. He says he still loves me and that the ball is in my court.

What do I do with this ball?

 

Published March 16, 2012

56 comments

  1. Here’s what I guess U do with the ball: recycle it.

    Refresh the game and make him chase the ball again like when everything was new, when you wanted him to call but would never call him rather, he spends the whole day trying to reach you. Like it was the first time you met and the butterfly still had a lot of energy

    Refresh! …and be cherished again 🙂

    1. I agree with tobystic..refresh the ball!!
      Give him space,don’t call like you used to,don’t visit,and see if he comes after you like when you guys just met.if he doesn’t…you know the rest
      It may be hard,but it’s possible.for someone like me,giving people space is what I’m best

      And I think you know what to do already,and it’s a tough one to make that’s why you need other opinions..

  2. Dis isn’t gud n fair at all.hw wud he feel if u had somtin similar wit ur colleague.wel since ur not married,his xpectd 2adore u mor dan anytin.if he can do dis now,hmm much more or even worse can be done wen married.dats my tot.he may not c it as cheatin but its an act of flirtin.av bin der b4.if his sincere,he’l know dis is harmful 2ur relatnshp.

    1. Thats True b…. it May Begiin to Get Serious oo! Well, Pray to Your Maker buh i Still Thiink You Shud Give Hiim Space n See How He’ll Respond to THat..x

  3. Sincerely, I really think she should be a lil more patient…just as he said, if he really wants to cheat on her, he would, but atleast he’s open with d other lady about his relationship, it would be a different case if he used password on his phone or probably told d other gal he was single, she just needs to learn to trust more …on d other hand, some gals sef! I don’t see any reason y a lady would stoop so low as to make moves on a guy wen u know he’s in a serious relationship…ladies that engage in such acts should pls stop, go and find ur own

  4. I feel our guy Ola is using this other lady and I have been wondering whether he is not using our dear Lady too. Lara, think about it – can you stay married, for the rest of your life, to a guy who will use ladies as a means of expanding his business? Ola is right; the ball is indeed in your court. We can only comment and advise but the decision is yours to make. And please do stop comparing yourself with your sister. Everybody’s path is different!

  5. I think you know what to do, all you are looking for is endorsement.
    If you are not happy now you won’t be years down the line. Don’t think he respects you and you can never have a say over his friends because he’ll always choose them above you.
    I believe there should be boundaries. Wake up! You are the only one who will tell other people how to treat you so decide because you deserve to be adored.

  6. Drrrrrop, the freaking ball!! On to the next …

    Yea, it’s silly to break-up over any ONE issue but this is a symptom of a major communication breakdown so if talkin through it and reaching an AMICABLE conclusion willingly accepted by both parties is impossible … It’ll only go downhill from there I reckon. Might as well cut your losses and head on ouuuut!

    Errr … Fact or fiction though??

  7. I hate men who lie… that alone is enough for me to throw away the ball. However, if you’ve got plenty of time, you could try to be a little bit patient. But if i were in your shoes right now, i’ll let him go. You know what they say about “letting the bird fly away and if it comes back to you then its yours”.

  8. This is so familiar, i have to leave what i am doing to comment. GIRL DROP IT LIKE IT”S HOT!!!…little background on me, i am married for 6 years, my hubby and i were very much in love, and each each other almost everyday, after work, and he called me every single day..we were best friend, and i had nothing to worry about or so i thought..looking back now hubby had too many female friends a ladies man if you will, they were all nice to me o.. and i prided myself on not being the jealous type, besides we talked about everything even the girl he was attracted to, or that were trying to get him, we were that close and we are Christians i need to make that clear too.. two and a half years into our marriage hubby confessed he had been secretly calling a girl everyday, he said he was attracted t her , he eventually told the girl he was married and cut it off, i was 7 months pregnant, i cried but forgave him immediately afterall, he could have slept with her and i would never have known. after i had my child it became worse, he kept complaining i didn’t have time for him, he always had a girl he was calling everyday , for different reasons, one he was counselling ( this one was a friend’s junior sister that lived close by) everyone knew she was a street girl and she didnt care,) she doesnt greet me nor acknowledge me,and hubby would defend her saying she doesnt greet normally…what???… it was so bad that one night after giving our baby a bath i served his food only to find out he had dissapeared from the parlour, he was downstairs talking to this girl in our car, until i called him i didnt know until 45 mins later, am not sure i have gotten over that 4 years later…then the lies began, he would go to her house down the street and lie to me, they called each other everyday..that was when realised that the fact that he called me everyday was not because i was his fiancee, it was just the way he was with women..it was a shock, we fought so much and his replies are exacly like your boy friend’s..after this particular girls case became a family issue.. there was another a collegue,he would go out of his way to drop her and keep me waiting, he said there were working, then another he was teaching her something in finance….i believe he never slept with any of them..only becuse i prayed like mad, he always says he could not have slept with any of them that he was in control..maybe so but he hurt me so much i wanted to kill myself, remember i had just had a baby so my emotions were really high..he is not friends with any of those girl anymore, i mad sure of that, one i even confronted by making him call her at 2 am , i was so ready to leave the marriage then it was that bad..i wanted to die because of the pain, hubby is devout christan, he never lied to me before …we have worked it out , and he is now a better christian, he has apologised over and over but it cost us, i don’t trust him like that anymore eventhough there are no more girls and he doesnt lie to me anymore, ( i guess i am protecting my self from being hurt like that again and i am become very hardened about a lot of things…sooo my epistle is to let you know that my hubby did not show the signs when we were courting and it got so bad..your boyfriend has already began showing the signs, run for your life because it will be much worse and he will remind you, and say this is how i was shebi you knew..sorry for such a long post..but emotional affairs are very real and common..that’s what they are called by the way…

  9. Lol @ ”drop it like it’s hot”. i get her drift though.The truth is that as humans, you cannot truly love someone ,then do things that’ll hurt them. If that hapens, then it wasnt love.It could have been anything.It could be lust,perversion,anything but definitely not love.
    Im a 33yr old dude who’s moderately successful, being there and done that and i can say without any doubt that if that dude truly cared about his girl,he’d drop the intruder without even thinking about it twice.Business will always come but these affairs of the heart have a mind of their own.Thats why we all try to find that great love and then hold on to it.
    Methinks that she should give him some space.Let him miss you.When he does , he’ll come back.If he doesnt, sweetheart, he wasnt worth your while.
    In as much as i think that we should all try to work things out in our relationships,i do not encourage emotional/pscychological arm twistings.Its too painful and the scars take time to heal.TOO MUCH TIME IF YOU ASK ME.
    That’s my two cents.

    1. I should just go ahead and put a fullstop and a Hallelujah behind all you have just said. I couldn’t have said it any better plus you get extra points because you are a guy.

    2. Hmmmmm…..giving Ola space like everyone is saying is giving the outside lady a clear field to work on. And I’m sure Ola will not hesitate to switch loyalties!
      However, you don’t sound like he makes you deliriously happy, even before the intruder came in. And the fact that he speaks disrespectfully to you is a definite no-no!
      I’d say you try Ųя possible best to ignore the other lady’s presence in his life, and concentrate on making it work. If however, you don’t find happiness, drop him pronto and move on! It’s gonna be painful, but will be eventually worth it.

      1. If he switches loyalties so easily (and his behaviour indicates he might), then she obviously would be making the right decision in stepping away from the relationship.

  10. Hmmm, Lara, you’re def not the only person that has been in a similar situation with a man. I’ve been there, and I must be honest with you when I say that you should step back from the relationship. You should be adored and cherished, he should never want to lose you and should be quick to correct any behavior that would make you feel uncomfortable – that’s the kind of power every woman should have in her relationship, because women deserve to be treated that way. If you tolerate such behavior from him, it will only get worse and you’ll end up in last place. Once he knows you won’t take being treated unfairly, he’ll either do one of 2 things, straighten up or waka. If he does the latter, mourn a little, cry, pick your head up, get it together and move on…his loss! God will bless you with a phenomenal man that would commit his life to pleasing you and making you happy. You would even thank God the relationship with Ola ended gan sef…

  11. Well written. Your build up made it an interesting read. I think you know what to do here tho. My advice to women: when you find the one, it wouldn’t feel like so much work. Move on, keep looking. Yours is on the way

  12. Anyone that needs to use someone to get what he wants will do the same to you when the time comes. Go for character, not just love.

  13. Girl ima give it to you straight up – that man is triflin as HELLLLLLL! What kinda man flirts with another woman all in the name of “networking” which is supposedly good for his “business”?? really? REALLY?? I think its time you you dropped him like a hot potato and showed that your not going to tolerate being disrespected like this. You have too much self respect! He really doesnt sound worthy of your time or your love.

    Networking is good for business, but the kind of networking he seems to be indulging in sounds like a HOT MESS! When Men network they keep it professional, They dont go to family gatherings and text their “contact” at 1am. Little boys do that, and you want a MAN not a boy! Thats what i think anyway..

  14. I think you shouldn’t settle because your younger sister is now engaged. Like someone said, our paths in life are all so different.

    Take your time, give him space, let him woo you, if he doesn’t or if it doesn’t work out all the better for you. The right man will come, but don’t be in such a hurry like many young (25 + year old) ladies are these days…where the man will beat the living day light out of them and they will stay because they want to MARRY…beats me to be honest.

    Please, you will spend 40-70 years married to the same person, if he can’t respect you now, then waka fast cos it will only end in more tears and heartache.

  15. you need to pull baaaack!! All the way back! Get very busy with the friends you have probably abandoned because you’re so invested in this guy playing wifey when you are not one.

    Don’t call all the time let HIM wonder about you…when you do decide to pick up just be very blaze make it clear you’re busy and having a blast, but don’t get into details.

    As how “business” is going and as much as you’ll be itching to ask about the rich girl, if he doesn’t bring it up don’t!! Just be too busy to be bothered or at least create that impression…see how that goes!

    For me it always works 🙂

  16. Pst. Bimbo Odukoya (God rest her soul) made this statement ” when you become desperate you end up making the wrong choice”.
    God who gave your sister her man will surely give you yours; don’t settle for less and let the guy go.

  17. Give him wings to fly my dear if he is urs, he will be back and then you can giv him conditions. for crying out loud, if it means he has to sleep with the girl to get contracts, he will. pls give him space. open up urself for another relationship. its hard but you have to move forward. And stop comparing urself to ur sister. that may have been a source of pressure that pushed you into the rship in the first place. u have different destinies.

  18. Morning shows the day. I m sure he knows he is hurting you. Does he feel for your emotions at all? You love him more than he loves you. Do l hear you say no to that. It is obvious now. Pls don’t compare yourself with your sister. Pray to God to reveal Ola’s identity and intentions. Pls be wise believing the Holy Spirit to teach you what to do with the ball

  19. What do you mean “what do you do with the ball?! You toss that shit back to him!!!
    Sidon there and play understanding. The next time he will sleeping with her and many other women on the bases of “business contact”
    Leave him and his rubbish mentality alone. If he believes you are worth it, he will come back begging. Like they say, the smoke you see while dating becomes a full blown fire in marriage. Toss that ball back into his own court!

  20. What do you mean “what do you do with the ball?! You toss that shit back to him!!!
    Sidon there and play understanding. The next time he will sleeping with her and many other women on the bases of “business contact”
    Leave him and his rubbish mentality alone. If he believes you are worth it, he will come back begging. Like they say, the smoke you see while dating becomes a full blown fire in marriage. Toss that ball back into his own court!

  21. My honest opinion, I say act like you are no longer bothered about “missmypaownslagidi” FOR A WHILE and see what happens..

    When he calls you during work hrs say a quick “hi darling, shey o wa alright and throw in ermm a bit busy ATM, I ll call you back” and make sure you do..

    Ask about business, but never linger on the topic.. If he’s tryng to get business contacts from this girl, its fine afterall, a male pal of his may ask him to go meet potential clients at private gatherings but will never comment on how pple think they look cute, bla bla cock & bull..What!!!!??? Too much familiarity if you ask me!!

    Lastly, get down on your knees and talk to your father in Heaven.. If he’s yours, he ll take notice and be a professional hardworkng MAN if nt he’s a just boy looking 4 rich girls to use.. When he comes back, have a serious talk with him, Let him knw the late night chat is unnecessary and absolutely uncalled for, let him put himself in ur shoes.. If u work in marketing sector and start getting cosy with a client how is he going to react?

    Some Pple are such two-faced human beings..

    Errr Temi is this a truestory though??

  22. Everybody deserves to be celebrated and not tolerated. Once you get the idea that you are being tolerated, move on with your life. No need playing games to make him feel jealous. It is energy sapping. Shift your attention to more interesting and rewarding things like being more active in Church, charity, work but something that gives you satisfaction. Whatever you work so hard to get, you will even work harder to keep. Relationships shouldn’t be stressful at all.

  23. I bet if you set yourself up with the aristocratic setting where business deals fly around, then the other gal is a goner! But it won’t be worth it anyway if he comes back!

  24. I’m reading this n I’m like your bf has a nerve!!! What to do with the ball? Sweetie, pls don’t fetch! I have a very serious perspective on relationships, I’ll rather be single than manage a relationship. You are a jewel God created n he gave u to parents who nurtured n groomed u well. U need to do urself a favour by reflecting on the true gem u are, then u know there’s no comprising on how to be treated n the standard of commitment. Commitment should be absolute if ure looking for something serous. A guy who would use people to get what he wants, n has no fillys about hurting the one he supposedly loves in the process is a VERY SELF-CENTRED person! I know we all tend to be self centred, its human’s default nature but then we have the Spirit in us to control us. Inevitably, most decisions will be centred around him, he will do more crap n expect u to stomach it. Oh honey, I see a lot of character flaws here, deceit, disrespect, indiscipline, manipulative n selfish! These kind of ingredients will make a very distasteful relationship! You deserve better! Yes, it will hurt, but you’ll get over it with your self esteem n worth intact. If he comes back (I wouldn’t take him back) he will respect u more!

    Watcha waiting for? Kick that ball over the fence right into………uuugh wherever where it belongs! You can do better, you deserve better!

  25. Omo, what are you waiting for? Kick the cupcake ball to the cupcake curb already! The guy’s an opportunist, and even though his business-minded personality is admirable, the fact that he would play gold digger (even on a mild level) is super disturbing. If he doesn’t believe in his own abilities and passion, and takes short cuts like that without hesitating, shortie, you could be the next thing he cuts, just to meet his mark.

    Now, you need to KNOW that you are a rare breed, one that GOD took HIS tym to create. There’s always that one special man, who would understand and appreciate you as GOD’s masterpiece. Don’t be hanging on to a guy who could drop you in one breath, when you deserve a man who adores your very essence–and there is always one like that. It’s great that he’s building himself a treasure, but if he treasures his business so much as to stoop that low, omo cut out jare!

  26. I’m keen to know the outcome of this relationship.
    A part of me believes that Ola is telling the truth, you can’t stop birds from flying but you can definitely stop them from $h!tting on your head!
    It isn’t Ola’s fault that the rich spoilt(if you ask me) daddy’s gal likes him but as long as he has made his stand clear not just by words but via action too, then cool is cool.
    On the other hand, the lady shldn’t act like the jealous lover, that is a mega turn off, live your life, be on top of your game and yes as other peops have said, he needs to show you much more respect..by not necessarily breaking the friendship off, but by always ACKNOWLEDGING you in the presence of RSDG(Spoil rich daddy’s Girl).
    It beats me how some women don’t respect other women’s space.
    I personally feel this is a make or break period in your relationship … whichever way the tide turns, I wish you nothing but the best!

  27. Babes this na tory…. if i were u I will BOUNCE… AS IN COMOT FOR ROAD….no long ting..

    why: a)where is this relationship heading? as in seriously where are we going?
    b)Do I actually have time for people that play mind games i.e. manipulative. NO.
    c) What a load of RUBBISH, the disrespect is an understatement.
    d) What NONSENSE, I have a my life to live, a sanity to protect, a future to consider and a purpose to deliver. If I have all that to accomplish do you really think I will have d time for time wasters NO..

    Besides, life is too short to settle for crap and allow that crap to make you crap and at the end of the day, he will dump u right there and then. In essence, he will take advantage of you and suck you dry.
    Finally, u dont really like him its all in your mind…. YOU ARE ATTRACTED TO HIM and in LUST. But your emotions have mis-signals telling u love him but in reality you dont. You think u do but you dont. you are clearly clueless which is not a bad thing, as life is all about experience. so if u decide to stay, u will live to learn. Kapesh.

    But………

    I suggest U BOUNCE, and if u dont, ermm u will be the one with the emotional scars/baggage and i guess pple will sympathise with u and that about it..

    Good luck asking questions u have answers too…

    http://lifeinstagesdoz.blogspot.co.uk/

  28. seriously, i’ve always been quick to tell people to be patient and understanding with relationships but i’d tell you never to settle for what you’re not happy with. so what if your baby sister is engaged? our timing in life is different and it doesnt always work out as we plan things but do not ever compromise your marital happiness and security. if your boyfriend would go about creating impressions with girls just for business contacts, i think he’s a ‘user’ and would probably do the same if another girl came along with such prospects. my question is, how much of those can you endure? and the fact that he’s being rude and unconcerned about your feelings with all these??? kick the freaking ball sweetie. kick it so hard it lands way out of your territory. if its yours, it’ll find its way home.

  29. Please throw the ball far away. His behaviour is disrespectful. He has been honest and made his priorities clear – right now it is his business and instead of wanting you alongside, he is willing to put you in a box (not even the backseat) to please anyone who may further his business. Whilst it is admirable to be driven and work hard to provide for your family, it should not be at the expense of said family.

    You are not married but you have been together a while and he’s essentially told you to expect more of the same. Right now he is openly allowing another woman to be dismissive of the relationship, what would it be next time – engaging in a relationship with her or someone else for business.

    Throw the ball away. This is not ok.

  30. Personally, I think you should drop the ball like it’s hot and this is my rationale:

    1) Ola is LEADING bbm girl on, granted he has told her that he has you but that doesn’t stop her from fantasizing that he will leave you especially since he’s “HONOURING” her invitations when she has clearly stated how she feels. Dangerous territory, if you ask me.

    2) I believe relationships are about commitment and understanding, if you have told him that this relationship is hurting you, I think it is only fair that he end it especially since nothing concrete has been established.

  31. Is it not obvious that sooner or later,that ‘thing’ would result into a relationship?how else do u want him to spell it out? ‘Reps ipsa loquitor'(d damage speak for itself)Get out while you can.been there,done that.

  32. True talk @ Wendy. A guy won’t spell it out that he is breaking up with a girl. He allows her to decode his actions and take her decisions. Lara, dear, think this through and I pray God to give you the grace to take the best decision.

  33. It’s not worth it sweetheart, i agree with what many of us have said here. I was once in one close to that, and made a decision to walk out. It was not an easy one but believe me time heals all wounds. Am doing ok ,more than ok today before you enter into what you didn’t bargain for. Be happy for your baby sister don’t compete with her, you are you and she is her own person. Your’s will come one day who will cherish you and love you for who you are.
    My younger sister is happily married today with a baby on the way, during the whole process i played a key role, when it gets to the time for wedding and all that be there, play the role of the big sister you are. Yours will definitely come. Am sure you wouldn’t want to be in a r/ship where pain is the order of the day. The kind of value you place on yourself is what others will place on you. HE IS NOT WORTH IT, BELIEVE ME I KNOW, PLEASE FOR YOUR SANITY WALK AWAY.

  34. I personally think you handled wrongly from the beginning.
    You crowded his space wanting to dictate who he speaks to and for how long and the content of those conversations.
    Now that its a face off between the 2 of you, you can only choose one of these 2 scenarios, stop caring about the situation and love him as best as you can or continue to make a fuss of it and drive a wedge between the 2 of you.
    Either ways, remember unless you think its a game thats when one person wins, if you are in this for what you believe in(your heart and ur love), you will come out the ‘winner’ at the end no matter what happens, cos you would have given your all and done your best.

    Goodluck.

  35. I honestly think you caused the current situation, trying to dictate the pace of his relationship, the content of their discuss etc.
    No guy can put up with that, Ego.
    Now that you are where you are, You have to deal with it how best you can.
    I basically see only 2 scenarios playing out.
    1) you cease to act jealous and act like she doesnt exist and hopefully get past this point.
    2) you continue to nag him about her and eventually drive him away.

    In all my years, one thing i have noticed guys hate the most is an implied accusation that they are cheating when they are in actual not cheating nor thinking of it. Makes them all kinds of mad. Seems to me that is what you have succeeded in doing. If your man had no such thoughts before, trust me dear, he has them now, and yes, you caused it.

    WHatever you decide to do, I wish you goodluck and hopefully in future situations you will act better and not let your emotions get the better of you.

  36. Please. Throw that ball on his head. Easier said than done though. Especially when you love the guy. That’s clearly a sign of a man who can’t respect his woman enough. Imagine if this relationship became a marriage. Whatever happened to doing things together? To understanding? Love has become a very mediocre word. Anyone uses it when it suits them. When you feel love you know it. Sometimes a woman should take a break and let the man work hard at keeping her happy. It’s a 2-way thing. A man with that big an ego will turn his woman into a very compliant wife who won’t argue with whatever he does. What he’s doing is clearly wrong. It all depends on if you are able to endure this for the rest of your life.

  37. Make a duplicate of the ball and drop it in his court. Hang out more frequently with colleagues @ work as well as business leads. Update ur bbm status to reflect same. Let him still realize that you care but that He has apparent competition to deal with. If he, bathes an eyelid, you know what to do. If he doesn’t, you also know what to do.

  38. My sister, LEAVE HIM!!! You know why? Because you want a man who is sensitive to your feelings. Full stop. And believe me, if the tables were turned he(nor any man, for that matter) would have none of that. It amuses(yes, amuses) me when a man accuses a woman of being too jealous, because time has proven, over and over, that men are the epitome of jealousy! But most importantly, I have been in the exact same shoes, and I dd what u r doing in order to appear ‘mature’ and guess what happened. He cheated! With the girl, and scores of others I didn’t even find out about until I’d dumped his sorry behind. But I’d already wasted 3 whole years with him. Be wise!

  39. Eeeeerrrrm ok aren’t we all overreacting a little, he was disrespectful obviously but she really had no business goin through his chats. I tink she should talk to him about her feelings without nagging and give him some space. The dude obviously has flaws but walking away isn’t always the solution (I learnt dis d hard way) , communication and patience is very important. Try to get him to reason with you, and ask how he ll feel if it was you hanging out/flirting wit a male colleague like this. If after doin these and things don’t change ONLY then shld you take a walk. P.S I do not in any way encourage Settling, bcos I know the tendency for interpret dis comment as that.

  40. Just read through the story, it’s really touching i must say. I totally agree with the woman that said “GIRL DROP IT LIKE IT”S HOT!!!”. A man that truely loves you won’t think of hurting you before Marriage, after Marriage, it takes God grace and something deeper than Love (Determination/Discipline/ it’s just not in him to cheat) to still stay focused and true. It is well, there are too many other distractions in Marriage other cheating, disagreements and habits that will show up later on. So my dear Sister, dont be deceived. If he is already behaving this way before any commitment, it shows he would do worse when you guys are married. A word is enough for the wise.

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