HAPPY NEW YEAR to you all! I wish you the very best of this year 2015. May God protect you all and yours too. May sickness not befall you or yours. May your planes not crash. May no accident befall you. May those looking to the Lord for admission, jobs, career direction, spouses, children etc all be met at their points of needs in Jesus’ name. Odun yi a tura ko ni lekoko mowa o (this year will be blissful for us all in Jesus’ name) AMEN.
Today, I want to discuss one of the first issues that I had to deal with as a married woman and how it was dealt with. It might sound pretty trivial to some people but if like me, since the age of 14, you had been fantasising about something and suddenly a decade and more after, you find out you are not gonna have it, it might be an issue. I had alluded to it in my last post and would like to discuss it in greater depth now: Honeymoon or lack thereof!
You see, at 14 or so, I started envisioning my honeymoon. I dreamt of white sands, lovely views, beautiful beaches, lovingly staring into my husband’s eyes as he blesses the Lord for giving him such a prized possession. At 21, I had started googling possible destinations. By the time I met my husband, O, I had narrowed my options to about 7 possible locations and by the time we knew it was marriage-bound, I was already using style to find out about visa procedures for my options. I mean, nothing could interfere with my fun filled, passion filled 2 week adventure with O. I was therefore not prepared for the extreme disinterest O exhibited when I started discussing with him. He was so not bothered I felt slapped in the face! Eventually, due to work exigencies and his total lack of interest and not wanting to ‘follow trends’, we had to postpone the honeymoon. Till date, I still have not been honeymooned…lol!
I can laugh about it now but then, it was such a big deal. Our opinions completely and entirely differed on the subject. He did not see the big deal in it. If it was convenient, sure let’s go to Accra, The Gambia, Bora Bora or St Tropez but if it’s not, let’s postpone and go when convenient. He was very pragmatic about the whole thing and I just did not get it or get him! I felt robbed of my rightful possession…my dream holiday where I can wear my monokini or bikini or nada freely.
I had a few options open to me: I could look at couples’ instagram pictures of how they enjoyed their honeymoon and be quietly bitter and feel deprived. I could moan and lament to O about it till he feels pressured and hops on a plane with me where he will then be gloomy and I will end up hating the whole thing or I could choose to remember that a honeymoon is just a holiday at the end of the day. There will be many many more and because it feels like I sacrificed, O will be sure to pull all stops whenever the right time comes. I painfully chose the third option and it has been a great blessing in my marriage.
As a person, as much as I enjoy looking at other people’s lives i.e. through wedding blogs, instagram pictures etc, I understand its their own path not mine. I don’t feel envy and I don’t aspire to what God has not destined me to be. I have my dreams and hopes and it is not shaped by others’. This helps in staying grounded and deciding what is worth fighting over and what should be overlooked.
For some, it is a seemingly minor decision like honeymoon destination or whether or not to go. For others, it is a major issue like relocating and quitting one’s job because of a spouse’s new job. These things have a way of subtlety rocking a marriage /relationship and must be handled delicately. You should know what is too important to be waived and what is really not a big deal. Pick your battles and don’t fight them with your words etc, fight them on your knees in prayer first before discussing with your partner.
I just thought to share and yes, I’m still owed our honeymoon and at the right time, we shall go…hehe.
Have a lovely Friday!