When opinions differ…

Hey lovelies,

HAPPY NEW YEAR to you all! I wish you the very best of this year 2015. May God protect you all and yours too. May sickness not befall you or yours. May your planes not crash. May no accident befall you. May those looking to the Lord for admission, jobs, career direction, spouses, children etc all be met at their points of needs in Jesus’ name. Odun yi a tura ko ni lekoko mowa o (this year will be blissful for us all in Jesus’ name) AMEN.

Today, I want to discuss one of the first issues that I had to deal with as a married woman and how it was dealt with. It might sound pretty trivial to some people but if like me, since the age of 14, you had been fantasising about something and suddenly a decade and more after, you find out you are not gonna have it, it might be an issue. I had alluded to it in my last post and would like to discuss it in greater depth now: Honeymoon or lack thereof!

You see, at 14 or so, I started envisioning my honeymoon. I dreamt of white sands, lovely views, beautiful beaches, lovingly staring into my husband’s eyes as he blesses the Lord for giving him such a prized possession. At 21, I had started googling possible destinations. By the time I met my husband, O, I had narrowed my options to about 7 possible locations and by the time we knew it was marriage-bound, I was already using style to find out about visa procedures for my options. I mean, nothing could interfere with my fun filled, passion filled 2 week adventure with O. I was therefore not prepared for the extreme disinterest O exhibited when I started discussing with him. He was so not bothered I felt slapped in the face! Eventually, due to work exigencies and his total lack of interest and not wanting to ‘follow trends’, we had to postpone the honeymoon. Till date, I still have not been honeymooned…lol!

top-honeymoon-destination

I can laugh about it now but then, it was such a big deal. Our opinions completely and entirely differed on the subject. He did not see the big deal in it. If it was convenient, sure let’s go to Accra, The Gambia, Bora Bora or St Tropez but if it’s not, let’s postpone and go when convenient. He was very pragmatic about the whole thing and I just did not get it or get him! I felt robbed of my rightful possession…my dream holiday where I can wear my monokini or bikini or nada freely.

I had a few options open to me: I could look at couples’ instagram pictures of how they enjoyed their honeymoon and be quietly bitter and feel deprived. I could moan and lament to O about it till he feels pressured and hops on a plane with me where he will then be gloomy and I will end up hating the whole thing or I could choose to remember that a honeymoon is just a holiday at the end of the day. There will be many many more and because it feels like I sacrificed, O will be sure to pull all stops whenever the right time comes. I painfully chose the third option and it has been a great blessing in my marriage.

As a person, as much as I enjoy looking at other people’s lives i.e. through wedding blogs, instagram pictures etc, I understand its their own path not mine. I don’t feel envy and I don’t aspire to what God has not destined me to be. I have my dreams and hopes and it is not shaped by others’. This helps in staying grounded and deciding what is worth fighting over and what should be overlooked.

For some, it is a seemingly minor decision like honeymoon destination or whether or not to go. For others, it is a major issue like relocating and quitting one’s job because of a spouse’s new job. These things have a way of subtlety rocking a marriage /relationship and must be handled delicately. You should know what is too important to be waived and what is really not a big deal. Pick your battles and don’t fight them with your words etc, fight them on your knees in prayer first before discussing with your partner.

photo

I just thought to share and yes, I’m still owed our honeymoon and at the right time, we shall go…hehe.

Have a lovely Friday!

Temiville.xoxo

temi Written by:

8 Comments

  1. January 2, 2015
    Reply

    Thank you for sharing this,when the time comes I pray for grace to do this if the need arises! But mehn e go hard o LOL!

    • January 2, 2015
      Reply

      Hehe Amen o. Grace is surely needed…

  2. Tess
    January 2, 2015
    Reply

    Happy new year Temiville…God’s very best for us all!
    LOL @ honeymoon challenge…I completely agree with your chosen option…but just a quiet word of caution…honeymoon is harder, much harder when little people come along…trust me! So perhaps sooner rather than later. All the best x

    • January 2, 2015
      Reply

      Oh dear… Hands on cheek… lol. Thanks Tess. I shall gently remind the Mr then…

  3. January 3, 2015
    Reply

    Awwwwww well done for handling it so well! I have to agree with Tess though, it’s hard going on a honeymoon once the kids come along! But that’s another beautiful journey in itself – guess it all depends on what you both want but plan, that’s what I’d say – plan together! Have fun and happy new year, good to see you blogging again x

  4. January 3, 2015
    Reply

    Welcome back Temi. It’s so good to have you back and thanks for being so refreshingly honest. May God continue to give you wisdom to run your home. Amen

  5. January 7, 2015
    Reply

    You dealt with it well oh…Don’t worry you will still be honeymooned. It can be tough when opinions differ….I’m still learning how to manage that. Happy New Year!

  6. Abiola
    April 2, 2015
    Reply

    I googled something random and one of your blog posts from 2012 came up on the search page. When I saw the name of your blog, I smiled with nostalgia. See- a couple of years ago, I was a faithful follower. The next thought as I clicked the link was “I really hope she’s married now”.. so you can imagine how ecstatic I was to see this 😀 😀 😀 I’m soooooooooooo happy for you. May God bless your marriage and give you both the grace to love and serve each other, and be a true reflection of Christ and the church.

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