Originally posted October 12, 2012
Hi people, How is it going? Since Bar Part 1 ended, I’ve been home with my brothers and parents. The first couple of weeks were okay. It was great to be home and help out and also to cook. Yes, Bwari stifles your cooking mojo as there is no cooking allowed. However, after 3 weeks of being home, I can authoritatively say I am fed up and looking forward to November 12’s arrival. Being at home is just not my thing. I hardly have breaks between my tasks and like to keep each period filled. But oh well!
A lot of Bar 1 students feel the same. Most lawyers will say we should try and enjoy the calm before the stress of Law School starts but to be honest with you, I am ready. Really fed up of being home plus with the whole fuel scarcity thing, randomly going to a friend’s house or going out cannot be happening. Every outing has to be well needed and well planned. Anyways, to today’s post.
The story is told of a person whose big sister recently married a married man. I mean, I was uber excited when I learned of the proposal until I found out the husband to be’s status. You see, the girl in question is the last child and even she is about 3 years older than I am. Her big sister is the first child and there are 3 boys between them. My point is this, her sister was well into her 30s. She got married at 36, barely 3 months after the proposal. It was a sharp sharp thing. Almost as if, if they don’t marry immediately, the man may change his mind. So they did it. Her parents gave their blessing.
What is shocking is that both parents are Christian (implication of which is that they are expected to understand God’s stance on polygamy). But everyone turned a blind eye to it. It was a case of, ‘wo, you cannot understand, God will not let you be 35 and unmarried, that’s when you will have a better understanding of how things are. Omode lo nshe e (Translation: you are a child and are not mature enough to understand these things).
But really? How does God’s view change with the people in question’s age? I didn’t think it did. I still don’t think it did. I know it must be difficult for a 35 year old woman or even man to have no companion (if they so desire). I will not make light of the loneliness she must have been feeling but marrying someone else’s husband does not ever solve your problem. Only God can. The story is told of an even older woman who got married two weeks ago to a single man (a widower). God gave her her own man. Others have waited longer and have also gotten God’s best. I think when you go ahead and marry a married man, you are telling God He is just too slow for you and you are wiser and have faster methods of achieving your goal. The end result is not always so great. I think I have lived a highly shielded life and each time I hear of these things, I marvel. How can a young girl with so much prospects in life decide that a married man is the best thing for her? I don’t get it. How is the wife to feel? Or is it not considered? You hurt someone and bring them so much misery and you want to live happy. I don’t understand.
This brings me to my main point: in life, sometimes, things don’t always come exactly when we want them. Sometimes we have to sit back and watch our friends pass JAMB and go on to the University of their choices whilst our results are being withheld or we settle from Law to English or from Medicine to Marine Science. We sometimes even watch some go abroad whilst our parents are still struggling with tuition here in Nigeria. We watch some get amazing jobs whilst we keep getting rejected. We watch some get engaged at 24/25 whilst at 29/30+ we are still looking unto God and hoping the Dele we are seeing will stop cheating and start loving us. We watch some have weddings that almost rival the Royal Wedding with N1.5million naira cakes, $7000 wedding dresses, N3million naira venues, N240,000 make up artistes, N1 million naira wedding bands, Wizkid entertaining whilst we can hardly afford a wedding planner and are trying to see if the caterers can make food for 300 people go round 500 people or we just make it strictly by IV and invite only 200 people. Some even have to wait a while whilst their friends, exactly 10 months after marriage, are putting on their BB statuses, ‘My Princess has arrived’. It goes on and on.
The point is this: whichever side of the divide you fall, there will be some areas of your life you feel less than satisfied with and need God’s intervention. During the waiting period, you’ll hear of others getting their own breakthroughs. But do not despair. The fact someone else has started eating the food God prepared them does not mean God has left the kitchen. Don’t DIY it. Your best attempt does not even come close to what God will do on His worst day. If you wait on Him, you’ll be glad you did. Don’t marry another man’s wife and vice versa. Don’t ask mammy water for a Child because you’ve been waiting too long (I watch too many Yoruba movies, lol). Don’t cheat your way into making money using the Section 419A Criminal Code means (sorry, I just had to put that in there hehe. I only just recently discovered that 419 is an actual section in the Criminal Code that criminalises obtaining by false pretences).
Let God do His thing and as we wait, let us thank Him in advance for what He will do and thank Him for the great things He has done. Be genuinely happy for people getting those things you so terribly want knowing yours is not so far away. You see, I focus on marriage a lot because it is such a sensitive issue with life altering effects and as my mom says, marriage can make or mar you. If you cheat to make money, you can repent and make restitution but there is hardly any going back in marriage that would leave you unscathed. Also, the pressure on a lot of young people is too much. Even my dear aunties now, when they come around that’s all they focus on. They ask sweeping questions about my career and education but when it comes to relationship, they will sit down and interrogate me. I thank God for my parents who seem very happy to have me around and trust God’s timing. But even if your folks harangue you, be confident and let them know, God will do it as He makes all things beautiful in its time.
During your waiting period don’t be like the girl up there who waits in isolation. No. have fun with your friends. Celebrate people’s achievements. Go for their promotion parties and contribute if asked to and don’t say, ‘shebi its him they promoted, why should I contribute to his party?’. Buy as many aso ebis as you can afford. I remember this lovely lady from Sheffield. She and her husband had been waiting on God for the fruit of the womb for more than 15 years. Each time someone had a baby, she’ll be the one to help carry the baby to dance to the front during the dedication. Today, her son is about two years old.
Pray for them. Rejoice with them and yours will come too.
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